17th November 2019 the day when the Red Angel of Death (covid-19) set hits foot upon this world and since then it has been unleashing havoc on us. It’s eventually believed that every spot he passes, becomes death cursed. However as for now neither any prayer nor any weapon is able to stop the deteriorating number of human souls. The only way to save ourselves is by staying indoors and remaining far away even from his shadows. After his arrival everything has been changed. People all over are worried and are longing to feel a sense of safety and normalcy again. It has not only cursed us with death but also with plenty of things to worry about whether it be your health, job, family safety or when the hell will all this end eventually leading to a sick mental health. According to a research conducted the main impact of this home quarantine and the death sword hanging upon our head has led to elevated rates of stress, anxiety, level of loneliness, depression, alcohol use, drugs, self-harm, suicidal instincts and above all sleeplessness. Here I am not talking about the sleeplessness caused due to insomnia but about the situation when you genuinely want to sleep but all the sense of insecurity forces you to remain awake. To convert my expressions into a poetic way, here I present the poet in me :-
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
Anyone can fall to sleep, giving themselves a chance to escape the bona fide
and experience the realm of fantasy.
Where they get to paint the sky green, trees blue
or whatever colour they want their scenery should include…….
Study says we all are genius enough to show a clean pair of heels in the face of gospel realities.
Resting her head on her favourite pillow, trying to tend her starving heart,
prepared with her unicorn off she goes…..
However, it seemed her mind took the road which she locked
and wanted to eschew for as long as she could.
The clock is ticking and she is lying awake, her one hand held by anxiety
and the other by the dead and buried memories.
Voices, voices and voices is all that she could hear, her mind was running,
shouting leaving her into tears..
From screaming to staying quiet everything she tried to calm her thoughts down
but the psyche kept on setting free the demons she buried deep inside.
She kept on looking back on her mistakes and recollecting about the people who left,
betrayed and gave her immense pain..
Her body was screaming for sleep but the eyes remained awake
filled with agony dripping down her cheeks…
The darkness of the room camouflaged into tiny thorns began to pierce her withered body
little by little and nothing could aid her hurting soul..
The rays of the sun were finally slipping into the room
through the spaces between the drapes of her room,
A part of her was contended that the skirmish came to ephemeral denouement.
Although the hollow under her eyes were deeper than the day before but
even then she embraced them because it reminded her how she survived
another combat all alone….
This quarantine came to us all as a shock. Many of us tried to take it in a positive way and utilize this free time by doing everything we wanted to but were unable due to our busy schedules. From cooking, self-care, knitting, drawing, singing to reading we tried it all. However, the question still remains, how long can you ignore the fears, restlessness, loneliness standing right at your doors. Sooner or later there comes a time when the warmth of the sun subsides letting in the cold nights. There are times when I can actually feel my fears and thoughts leaving my body and peering at me from outside, leaning on my shoulder and whispering horrible words in my ears. Eventually with all this present on my pillow I wasn’t able to sleep or calm myself down and prepare for the battle that awaits every day for me to put it down.
Abiding by the advice given to us by all the elderly and educated people I started talking about it with others but solution is something which was nowhere near or around. Slowly I lost trust in all the people I used to call ‘mine’ and isolated myself from the mankind outside. Every morning when I used to wake up the bags under my eyes grew more and more, my eyes were swollen with all the pain and my beloved sleep was still ignoring me and the reason for it was unaware. Then it occurred to me that my heart and my brain have been occupied a lot and hence sleep was not able to find a space to stay. Therefore, it was decided everything apart from the sleep has to leave but again the question arises how? Because neither talking to people helped nor meditation or workouts did the trick. Being a unique creature required a unique solution and hence I started to present my fears in a unique way.
That is by giving it a poetic form and guess what it helped. Not only this but my new found love for cleanliness helped me out by letting me busy enough that all the worries and thoughts remained far away. Although the main thing that helped was self- motivation and the realization that I no longer want to be the victim or prey but want to overcome and win this (not coming to an end) game that aided my sick mind. Every person has their own ways to tackle their problems, I am not condemning meditation, workouts, mandala’s or anything else but wanted to reach out to people like me, the ones who require a unique and different way to get through this. Mine came out to be expressing things in a poetic way or cleanliness yours can be different and it’s absolutely fine you just need to hang in there and everything will get back to place very soon ..so, find your own type of happiness and win this battle.
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Well worded 🙌